Music can never be the same again

She should have known, as a matter of fact, she has prepared herself for it but when the time came, she was not ready. she was never ready.

He wasn’t hers to begin with, they were playing a dangerous game. They both knew the consequences and risks and yet they still played along until one or the other left broken.

She has been very calculative and careful to everyone but he was the exception. Was it because she thought that her prayers have been finally answered? Was it because she craved the attention he gave her? or was it because finally someone didn’t flee when she finally took off her veil that has been a part of her? For a moment, she felt safe and needed, she felt of worthy of love. Being with him, she was her own person her own self.

But that fantasy burned out faster than it did burning brightly. Now all that is left are her own pieces that he broke. The same pieces that she has been saving up for the one who would just accept and love her without inhibitions. The same pieces that she is putting back together but it will never be the same.

A letter to you

I have no excuse for what happened and saying “I’m sorry” hardly seems adequate. But if you could forgive me this time, I promise you that this will never happen again. Both the suffering that I’ve caused you and the misery I feel now show me that breaking my word causes too much damage to both of us to ever want to do it again. Whatever selfish gratification I thought I’d gain by my foolish stupid act has disappeared. All that is left- guilt and a stronger resolve to be not only the person you want me to be, but to be the person that I want myself and need to be.

I know it is difficult to believe right now, but i really do love you and I have never loved anyone else. In the past eight months, we’ve become so much a part of each other’s lives that I really can’t imagine my life without you anymore. Your presence in my life have so much meaning, impacted me more than anyone else. I don’t think it would benefit either of us to give up on this relationship yet because we’ve both invested so much of ourselves into it already and our good times have far outnumbered the bad. What few issues we have faced in the past have been minor and we were able to work though it.

Truth be known, I am nervous about asking you to forgive me. I understand you have suffered a great deal because of me and asking for forgiveness is so much to ask from you. I know you find it hard to believe my promise that I will learn from my mistake and never repeat it. I truly never want to put our relationship on the line again. I hope you can believe that.

I want you to know how much I care about “us” and how important this relationship is to me. Perhaps you don’t realize this, I’ve enjoyed all the talks we’ve had, from our worries to something funny or silly. I miss our daily quirks. It made me closer to you and it made me love you more. And those “I love you” words seem to come as naturally to your lips as they do to mine. We have been together for more than eight months and everything about our relationship has become more and more intimate and special.

I would give anything to pick up where we have left off, just doing everyday things like going out/ buy lunch with you, sneaking off to spend time with each other whenever we had the chance, sharing our ups and downs everyday, those little sneaky touches, the little notes we would leave each other, the phone calls, the random links that we found on the internet that amuses or interests us, the short road trips where it is just you and me.

Please remember all the good times we’ve had already. I promise you a faithful companion who has learned her lesson and is more determined than ever to make you happy and stand by you as long as you will have me. I rather lose all my past than to lose you because the alternative is too painful to even consider.

I love every little piece of you and I probably always will. I was selfish and I was ignorant to you and your feelings. I’d give anything to take that back.

I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt your love to me, because you couldn’t have loved me any better

I’m sorry I betrayed you, because now I’d give anything just to have you back.

I’m sorry I was ungrateful of you but are you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you loved me, because now I know that if I spend my whole life searching, I’d never find someone who would love me had as much as you do.

I’m sorry for not appreciating all that you’ve done.

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like a burden.

I’m sorry I took you for granted, when I should’ve appreciated you more.

But most of all, I am sorry for all the lies, the betrayals that I have caused you. the damage I have done.

If things could change, if you could let me love you again, I’ll never let you go. I’ll never break your heart, I’ll give you all I have and I’ll love you with all my heart, unconditionally.

You have been my anchor, my best friend, my soulmate, my favourite person, my forever person. Thank you for all that you have done and best of all, thank you for loving me.

Ever thine,

Ever mine,

Ever ours.

Always.