Journal entry: the end of another year (2017)

This was a journal entry that I have shared in my old blog. I am not really a big fan of resolution, typically new year’s (I can’t never seem to follow through with it) But this was a journal that I was reminding myself . I have decided to share this one here because it is just not only for me, but to all that needs it.

“Dear you,

It’s the last day of the year. Looking back at the past 364 days, there are some days where you feel blessed but more often you just want to erase some of the memories and never want to remember it. Most days feel like shit but look back and count your blessings.

Be thankful for what you have accomplished, what you have learned, what you have gone through and the mistakes and choices that you made. The friends you made and lost. The love and heartaches you went and are going through. Because without them, you wouldn’t be here. Without them, you won’t know your fears, tackle them with the strengths you thought was once lost. The patience to endure the challenges and obstacles.

Remember that the paths you take are your journey. It will always be an endless journey. It may not lead you to where you want to be or where you want to go, but have faith. You’ve done everything you can and now leave it to the universe to do its work. You are not your life story because it has been set out for you before you even exist. All you have to do now is just ride it out and trust that everything will be alright in the end.

I guess what I am saying is that be thankful that you are still here breathing and able to make the choices to move forward. Be proud of yourself that you are still fighting through to be better than who you were yesterday. Be happy that you have people that care and loves you even when you fail to see it.

Live and love life and never give up. Dreams and ambitions can be achieved through determination and hard work. You are never known to give up on something that you are passionate about, be the woman that you want and need to be, you are a fighter. Get back up and show yourself what you are capable of, prove yourself that you will conquer and master your fears and strengths, shower love to those who deserves your attention, eradicate those that no longer serves a purpose to you and in your life, move on from those that no longer gives you happiness. Take back what’s yours and make the most of it. Devote more time to yourself, to heal and love yourself more.

This year you have discovered some things about yourself- you went and see therapists for your depression, you fought through endlessly with your demons albeit mentally and physically draining you out, you went traveling alone, you rediscovered your independence again, you went out of your comfort bubble to talk more to people and best of all, you began writing. Writing that saves you from you, writing that gives you peace, writing the words that have never been spoken. You faced some of your fears and came out victorious. You started gaining more confident in the things that you do. You learn to let things go even it took you awhile, you salvaged what is left of you and turn it into strengths rather than your weaknesses. More often than not, you wanted to give in, but you know yourself that you won’t give in because there are far more better things up ahead for you. You just know it. Trust and faith. Be proud of yourself.

Don’t rush into fighting your weaknesses, at least find your way to overcome them and turn them into strengths- self-doubt, low self-esteem, the insecurities, the impulsive behavior, running away from issues, hiding away- let all of these go and learn to manage them. Turn it around and believe in yourself.

Take encouragement and support from others that care and loves you, pay no heed to those who brings you down or wasting your time. Take criticism and turn it into something positive, a lesson learned. Move on from those that no longer makes you happy. Cut the toxic ones out and welcome those who are there to fully support and encourage you, those who believe in you. Don’t forget to appreciate them, to be thankful to them, don’t forget those who have stuck by you when you were in your lowest and darkest times. Forgive and forget the past that have done you wrong or what you did wrong. Forgive and love yourself more. Forgive others and seek peace.

This chapter is coming to an end, it’s time for you to open a new one, a new beginning. So let the next 365 pages be filled with more excitement, adventures, self-love, independence, travel more and the challenges you will face with more vigor and confidence. Never stop or settle for something that’s less, go for something far beyond that makes you happy and content.

The next page are your goals that you have set up for yourself, look back on this day and see how much you have accomplished. Remember- do not feel discouraged at the ones you have not accomplished but rather take it as another challenge that you can do it.

All the best and see you next year.

With love always,

Me 2017”

Strength, your strongest weapon

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend about strength. And I would love to share this with you all as well as what I have shared with her.

We are not all perfect and we are all flawed but one of the greatest qualities we have are our strengths. These strengths are the strongest weapons we could hold onto, that we could sharpen the blunt edges and to bring us forth towards whatever challenges, obstacles, upturns and downturns we may face. Strength comes in all forms but most of all it comes from us, it radiates from our very core. It is something everyone needs.

I am beyond perfect, we all have our own issues, demons and monsters to deal with but I believe that through a strong network of support system, we can move forward and beat it. It is an endless battle but one must not give up or give in, one must not raise the white flag if you know that you can conquer them. I am glad that I have one of the most strongest support system and without everyone around me, I wouldn’t be here. We can’t all simply be miserable when we can do something about it. Even when we are hopeless but if there is a tiny speck of hope flickering through, grab onto it because you might never know that tiny hope is the biggest strength you can hold onto.

Our passion to help others are our strengths too, we instinctively drop our worries away when we know someone that we care is not feeling well and you do everything you can to lift them up and be there for them. In turn, we don’t really worry about ourselves and the clusterfuck of worries bothering us because we care for others.

But sometimes we do need to be taken care of and sometimes it’s okay for us to withdraw ourselves from the world because we need time to ourselves to recuperate and to heal. This is what I learned and this is what gets me by eventhrough my darkest nights, I hold onto to that tiny light of hope to lift me up even when it is heavy, the hope lies within you and those around you.

So to those everyone struggling and in need of a helping hand to get out and bring you forward, let me give my hands to yours and hold on to it.

and here I end this post with one of my poems:

Of Kings and men, 

We fought for their battles, 

Of priests and clergymen, 

They battle against evil and malicious spirits,

But who dares to fight for us?

Of our own monsters and demons

That resides within us?

Pouring my love and strength to all. 🌹

Stay alive

This photo was mine, the infinity symbol for me represents endless possibilities. the symbol “;” represents the Semi Colon Project which aims to those who are/were struggling with self-harm, depression and suicide who could have stopped moving forward but didn’t.

The semi colon itself is a punctuation mark that your story is not over yet. There are times where I want to give up, more often than not, it’s a struggling battle and each day it will mentally, physically and emotionally drain you out. It never cease to exist and all we need to do is to reach out even when its hardest to do so, that shows that we have courage to stand and fight against it.

To those who we have reached out to, please don’t give up on us, we may push you away but don’t run away from us. We need help. Sometimes or most times, we just don’t know how to deal with ourselves. Our heads are filled with so much disturbing thoughts and we just don’t know how to deal with it. So please don’t give up on those who are fighting this battle to stay alive. Each day that you are there for us are more than enough and it’s what keeps us going. Small changes makes a bigger impact. Please know this that we are forever grateful and appreciate that you are here.

Thank you for everything. This serves as a reminder that my story isn’t over yet and so does yours 💙